HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize