Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
