A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
