Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
