Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
