Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
