I CAN MOONWALK!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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