So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh god it's open bar.
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