I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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