I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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