I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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