we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize