now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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