getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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