I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
