I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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