Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
