$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
