why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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