I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
