And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
