i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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