weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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