we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize