just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
