Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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