some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
