she woke up with a sticky ear
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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