if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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