ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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