So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
