We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
