Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
