Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
