the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he puts the penis in happiness.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Drake has all the answers
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
