So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
