so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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