it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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