all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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