you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
