I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
