Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
