He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
