please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize