She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
