I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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