I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
