Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
