I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
