Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
