That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize