If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
