1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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