Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
