I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
