Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
