you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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