My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
