Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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