new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
