Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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