Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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