Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
