My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
