i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
