Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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