Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
