Small penises have feelings too.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
